We all know that slight flush and exciting vibrations you get when you have matched with someone. Those sensations associated with the possibilities of meeting someone special never really goes away. What you do next is what sets the stage for your future connection.
Although we like to believe we are original many of us rely on the same formula to strike up a conversation with our matches. Maybe these are not working, or you have gotten tired or just relying on “Hey” or “How’s it going”. These lines will not land well with a lot of people and could show you are not that interested. Plus, they often end in dead conversations.
Asking the right questions after you have matched with someone online is important because it will help you determine if you are compatible with them enough to want to go on an actual date. There is no point in meeting up with someone if there is a limited chance you will actually get along. Online dating is awkward enough, by asking the right questions you can save yourself some time and hopefully some bad first dates.
Here are some questions that can help you connect with your match and get to know them a bit more to help you determine if there might actually be a real connection.
10 Questions To Ask Your Match To Spark A Conversation
- What does your typical weekend look like?
This questions lets you know a little bit more about them and see if it matches your typical weekend. Are they a Netflix binge type of person or a party animal drinking type of person or something else? There is no right or wrong answer it just helps you get an idea of who they are and if it matches your own interests.
- What is your favorite kind of vacation?
This question gives you an idea if they are a thrill-seeker or a beach bum. This question opens the door to a conversation about previous trips and travel. It also gives you more insight into the things they have done and what they find fun, shedding light on what future vacations might look like if you connect with this person.
- What are some of your interests/passions?
Understanding people’s passions and interests help to get to the core of a person’s being. They give you a window into their value system. You can follow this question up with why their interests or passions are important to them. Research also shows that having similar interests and passions also increases the chances of having a successful relationships. If someone responds with “I don’t know” then it might be a bit of a red flag.
- What is on your bucket list?
This question gives you some insight into what they wish to accomplish in their life and what is important to them. If you are a true match hopefully your buckets lists are a bit in alignment or compatible with each other.
- What Makes You Laugh?
Research has shown that most singles want a partner that has a good sense of humour. To have someone in their life that brings lightness and levity into the relationship. Discovering what makes this person laugh will give you some insight into their personality and outlook on life.
- Do you have a dream you are pursuing?
Everyone should have a dream or goal they are pursuing in life. Dreams can be related to any area of one’s life including one’s personal or professional dreams, travel, artistic development, etc. This question can help you determine if their dreams and goals are in alignment or compatible with your own.
- What is something you have accomplished that you are proud of?
Allowing space for people to share the things they are proud of lets them know you are open to really getting to know them. It also opens up space for you to gain a deeper understanding of what is important to them. Is what they are proud of something you admire and connect with? This again shows similar interests and passions important elements to consider before going on a date.
- What stood out for you from my profile?
This question can help you gain more clarity about their intentions and how engaged they are in the conversation. It helps to target their intentions with you. It can also be helpful to share what stood out for you from their profile also. Maybe comments on a picture or something from their bio that stood out to you.
- Where does your family live and do you see them often?
Family values are pretty important to most people. This question helps you learn a bit about where they are from and how close they are to their family. You want to be sure their view of family matches your own.
- What are you looking for on here?
This question is good to ask before meeting up with someone as it lets you know if they are just looking for a hookup, to have fun, or actually looking for a true relationship. This question can help you weed out people that might not align with what you are looking for and save you time in meeting them if it doesn’t.
If you are looking for a relationship and they just want to hook up, don’t think that you can hook up with them and they will change their mind. It’s important to believe people when they say what they are looking for and to not put yourself in a position where you develop feeling for someone who is not interested in having a relationship. It is a trap a lot of people fall into and if you can avoid it you can avoid a lot of pain, listen to what people say, not what you want them to say.
Just Be You
Online dating can feel vulnerable. You might have a strong desire to put your best foot forward, to appear likeable or desirable. This desire to show up a certain way can actually get in the way of you showing up as you are. Remember you being you is enough to attract and connect to the people who should be in your life. You do not have to try too hard or fear being judged.
Most people are too concerned with how they are being perceived to be that judgemental. Also, the people that might be judgemental, you probably don’t want to go on a date with them. Just commit to being your genuine authentic self. If you try to come off other than who you are, it can set the relationship upon an inauthentic foundation that is less stable than if you just let your True Self lead.
Don’t Take Things Too Personally
We are all unique in our dating preferences and what turns us on or off of someone. What one person might find inviting, funny or interesting might not be the same for another person. Therefore, there is not a one shoe fits all for all situation when engaging with people on dating apps. This is why it’s important to remember that if something you say does not land with someone it might with someone else.
Be gentle with yourself as you find your own voice and flow to connect with people online. Hopefully, these suggestions help you build some confidence and direction to help you navigating online dating and finding your person.
Weigh In
Have a follow up question or constructive input? Join the conversation in the comments below…
References
Psychology Today: The Importance of Shared Interests
Science Daily: Why Humor is Important in Romantic Attraction
Mindsplain’s Journalistic Standards and Practices
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