Month: February 2021

Forgiveness Part II: Why forgiveness is important to your mental health and wellbeing

Granting forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things you ever do. But, despite its challenges, forgiveness isn’t simply something you are giving to someone else. It can actually be just as important and powerful to your own wellbeing, aside from the feelings of the person who is being forgiven. We’re previously spoken to experts about how you would define forgiveness – and if you’re wondering “What is true forgiveness?”, you can read our article redefining the term here. Now, in Part Two of our exclusive series exploring forgiveness through the expertise of qualified psychologists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, psychiatrists, and spirituality experts, we delve into the importance of forgiveness, with particular regard to one’s own mental and spiritual health. Here, Mindsplain’s network of experts weigh in on the benefits of forgiveness when it comes to your own wellbeing… Why is forgiveness important? Award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., explains that, first of all, is a must, but requires work, saying, “It’s essential and very difficult. Pain and loss transform …

Covid-19: Building Coronavirus Resilience

5 Ways To Build Pandemic Resilience

Published by Mahevash Shaikh

According to a UN report, we are collectively living in the hardest time since World War II. Indeed, the coronavirus pandemic is responsible for an ongoing economic and health crisis. In challenging times like these, building resilience is crucial to surviving and thriving. What Is Resilience? Psychology Today defines resilience as “the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before.” In simple words, resilience is a quality that enables an individual to bounce back from challenges like death, unemployment, and trauma. What is resilience theory? Resilience theory is a psychological framework used to understand what makes a person resilient or strong enough to withstand hardship in their life. Psychologist Catherine Moore thinks “it’s not the nature of adversity that is most important, but how we deal with it.” How Is Pandemic Resilience Helpful? While some people are naturally more resilient than others, anyone can build resilience. Having the ability to bounce back is essential to get through all kinds …

Are psychopaths aware of their condition? Do they care?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Why are we so interested in psychpaths? Cold-blooded psychopaths and criminals are fascinating (and terrifying!) creatures. They fascinate us so much because they seem to express normal animalistic feelings, like rage, without much fear of social consequences, shame, or rejection.So what is the subjective world of the psychopath really like? Admittedly, it seems quite foreign to me, but let me take a stab (figuratively speaking–no one was harmed in the writing of this post) at an explanation. Psychopathy and antisocial Personality disorders are personality pathology Psychopathy and antisocial traits are fundamentally deficiencies in personality (i.e., they are personality disorders). A defining feature of personality disorders are that the “symptoms” are baked into someone’s day-to-day experience, and are therefore invisible–like water to a fish. The psychology jargon for this is that the traits are “egosyntonic”. In treating personality disorders, the first step is to build a discrepancy between the patient’s sense of social reality and a more widely-held feeling of social experience. Personality disorders bloom in families that are both extreme, harsh, and/or abnormal in their …

So, You Matched With Someone On Your Dating App. Now what?

Published by Kylie Feller

We all know that slight flush and exciting vibrations you get when you have matched with someone. Those sensations associated with the possibilities of meeting someone special never really goes away. What you do next is what sets the stage for your future connection. Although we like to believe we are original many of us rely on the same formula to strike up a conversation with our matches. Maybe these are not working, or you have gotten tired or just relying on “Hey” or “How’s it going”. These lines will not land well with a lot of people and could show you are not that interested. Plus, they often end in dead conversations. Asking the right questions after you have matched with someone online is important because it will help you determine if you are compatible with them enough to want to go on an actual date. There is no point in meeting up with someone if there is a limited chance you will actually get along. Online dating is awkward enough, by asking the …

“My truth”: Why Sufferers of Borderline Personality Disorder Treat Feelings as Facts

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

People with a Borderline Personality Disorder diagnosis can often seem to overvalue their own thoughts and feelings. In the cognitive behavioral therapy tradition, this phenomenon gets labeled as “emotional reasoning.” The logic of emotional reasoning goes like this: what I feel or think with conviction MUST be true because I feel so strongly that it’s true. The problem, of course, is many things feel true that aren’t. For example, the earth feels flat, but isn’t. A watched pot may feel like it takes forever to boil, but it always does given the burner works and is turned on. Here’s where it gets complicated. People with BPD treat their thoughts and feelings as facts because: Caregivers historically have not taken their thoughts and feelings seriously at all (i.e., invalidating emotional environment) The invalidating emotional environment makes sufferers of BPD self-invalidate; this means, they don’t take themselves seriously! Why would someone who doesn’t really believe that their internal world matters treat their thoughts and feelings as factual? The answer is quite simple: it’s too painful to relive …

It’s not easy being green: Is envy in BPD the same shade as envy in NPD?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Many have observed that borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder both share a common denominator of envy. Envy, since it’s a feeling of being or having less than someone else, is what points clinicians to the core feelings of emptiness at the heart of both disorders. But since the DSM-5 classifies these cluster B disorders as separate entities, does it naturally follow that envy presents differently in BPD vs NPD? Before addressing this question, I’ll start with several caveats: Envy is a natural emotion that everyone not only experiences, but also expresses in more than one way (Narcissism is also a trait that all possess and can express in numerous ways) BPD and NPD have many different expressions. If you look at the criteria for BPD and NPD, then calculate all of the different ways someone can meet criteria for the disorder, you’ll find that there can be tremendous diversity in symptom clusters within the same diagnostic category Personality disorders are notorious for bleeding into one another. Most people who meet criteria for one …

What is forgiveness and why is it important? Part 1

Published by Bex April May

Forgiveness: it’s something we talk about a lot, but is much easier said than done. While our emotions around forgiving and the wrongs leading up to it can be some of the most traumatic in life, forgiveness can also be one of the single most important ways to process and grow from our experiences. It’s also completely in your control – and can allow you to take total ownership of a situation, no matter how hurt you have been by it. In this exclusive series, we’ll investigate different facets of forgiveness through the eyes of qualified psychologists, psychiatrists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, couples therapists, and spirituality experts to help you better understand forgiveness, and how to effectively apply it to your own circumstances. What is true forgiveness? So, let’s start at the beginning: how do you define ‘forgiveness’? As award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., explains, there are several layers to defining the term as we understand it in psychology. “The etymology of forgiveness is quite interesting,” Dr Kinsey says, “First, …

Identity, Space and Time: Acknowledging Social Injustices in Psychotherapy

Published by Nicci Attfield

A contextual approach to psychology acknowledges the struggles people face within the social environment. From this perspective, an individual is not only influenced by internal forces, thoughts, or feelings. Instead, a person responds to his or her social environment. Social norms and beliefs determine how a person can act in any given situation. This means that a person’s roots influence the routes they can take and the opportunities open to them. Social marginalization can result in mental health challenges. Without recognizing social injustice, an individual may be blamed for their own struggles and forced to adjust. Why is it important to acknowledge social context? Some aspects of identity can lead to people feeling disempowered. This can be due to racial identity, disability, gendered identity, national identity, deaf identity, sexualities, class, health and illness. Sometimes, aspects of identity may combine to create layers of struggle. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie shares the complexities of raced identity in Americanah: “The only reason you say that race was not an issue is because you wish it was not. We all …

Have an Unhealthy Relationship with Online Dating?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

What is a series about online dating doing on a psychology blog? The quality of a person’s relationships is synonymous with mental health. And, if you’re single you’re in a relationship with dating. You may be dating a lot, a little, or avoiding it entirely. No matter which best describes you, you’re in a relationship with dating–and most likely online dating is a major part of this relationship. As a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City, adventures in online dating are a part of the conversation with literally every single one of the unattached patients I treat. Some people do have success with online dating. However, one thing I have never heard a patient say is: “I love online dating. It’s so much fun.” I don’t claim my sample is representative, but my patients’ view is consistent with commentary I’ve received from friends and colleagues. The refrains are consistent. “It’s annoying.” “Lots of shady people.” “It’s a major time suck.” “People look nothing like their pictures.” “She ghosted me.” And so on… With all …

The Body Keeps the Score Review, Bessel Van Der Kolk

Mindsplain Book Review: “The Body Keeps the Score”

Published by Martyna Bobek

Book Title: The Body Keeps Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Author: Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. Publisher: Penguin Books Year Published: 2015 Number of Pages: 464 Purchase: Amazon.com What is ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ About? The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain, and Body in the Transformation of Trauma transforms our understanding of traumatic stress. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, a leading expert on trauma, applies modern scientific approaches to reveal just how trauma reshapes both the body and the brain. With over 30 years of research and working with survivors, Van der Kolk teaches us how our bodies confine us to the past despite any effort of the mind to leave it behind. While powerfully arguing that trauma is one of the world’s most urgent public health issues, he explores innovative treatments that offer new pathways to recovery by utilizing the brain’s natural ability to heal. Key Takeaways from ‘The Body Keeps the Score’ Trauma is universal and occurs more frequently than we tend to think. One doesn’t have …