All posts filed under: Relationship Advice

Struggling with Compassion? Apply these 4 tips on how to find your empathy again

Compassion comes to people naturally. Even in the nursery, infants experience empathic distress–when one baby cries, ALL babies start to cry. Problems experiencing and expressing compassion tend to arise the more involved we get in the complexities of social give and take. Compassion becomes especially tricky in a couple of different scenarios: First, I might have trouble feeling compassion for others if I feel like I am sacrificing more than you are. Or, perhaps I feel like you’re getting more back than I am if we sacrifice the same amount. Worse still, I might see that you sacrifice less than me and get more back. Politicians, financiers, billionaires are all easy targets for antagonism because many people agree they don’t deserve our compassion. Why? Because we believe they often make more than us, pay less taxes, and/or work less. The second reason compassion can be tricky is if I don’t see you as belonging to the same group. Nationalist and racial examples abound here. A less emotionally charged example would be the world of professional …

Mindsplain Book Review: The 5 Love Languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts

Published by Martyna Bobek

Mindsplain Book Review: The 5 Love Languages. The Secret to Love that Lasts What’s “The 5 Love Languages” About? Relationship expert Dr. Gary Chapman tackles one of the most common issues relationships face today-how to make love last. Chapman offers readers a remedy, which he discovered from years of experience in working with couples. With clear examples and uplifting storytelling, Dr. Chapman reveals the various ways we express and receive love, known as love languages. Countless amounts of couples have experienced richer levels of intimacy from learning their love languages-and this book will help you get started in understanding yours. Key Takeaways from The 5 Love Languages There are five unique love languages – quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Love languages represent the way we receive love. Chapman concludes that once you identify and learn how to express your partner’s primary love language, you’ve discovered the key to a long-lasting, loving relationship. The way that you understand love isn’t always the same as your partner’s. It’s rare for …

Forgiveness Part II: Why forgiveness is important to your mental health and wellbeing

Published by Bex April May

Granting forgiveness can be one of the most difficult things you ever do. But, despite its challenges, forgiveness isn’t simply something you are giving to someone else. It can actually be just as important and powerful to your own wellbeing, aside from the feelings of the person who is being forgiven. We’re previously spoken to experts about how you would define forgiveness – and if you’re wondering “What is true forgiveness?”, you can read our article redefining the term here. Now, in Part Two of our exclusive series exploring forgiveness through the expertise of qualified psychologists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, psychiatrists, and spirituality experts, we delve into the importance of forgiveness, with particular regard to one’s own mental and spiritual health. Here, Mindsplain’s network of experts weigh in on the benefits of forgiveness when it comes to your own wellbeing… Why is forgiveness important? Award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., explains that, first of all, is a must, but requires work, saying, “It’s essential and very difficult. Pain and loss transform …

So, You Matched With Someone On Your Dating App. Now what?

Published by Kylie Feller

We all know that slight flush and exciting vibrations you get when you have matched with someone. Those sensations associated with the possibilities of meeting someone special never really goes away. What you do next is what sets the stage for your future connection. Although we like to believe we are original many of us rely on the same formula to strike up a conversation with our matches. Maybe these are not working, or you have gotten tired or just relying on “Hey” or “How’s it going”. These lines will not land well with a lot of people and could show you are not that interested. Plus, they often end in dead conversations. Asking the right questions after you have matched with someone online is important because it will help you determine if you are compatible with them enough to want to go on an actual date. There is no point in meeting up with someone if there is a limited chance you will actually get along. Online dating is awkward enough, by asking the …

What is forgiveness and why is it important? Part 1

Published by Bex April May

Forgiveness: it’s something we talk about a lot, but is much easier said than done. While our emotions around forgiving and the wrongs leading up to it can be some of the most traumatic in life, forgiveness can also be one of the single most important ways to process and grow from our experiences. It’s also completely in your control – and can allow you to take total ownership of a situation, no matter how hurt you have been by it. In this exclusive series, we’ll investigate different facets of forgiveness through the eyes of qualified psychologists, psychiatrists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, couples therapists, and spirituality experts to help you better understand forgiveness, and how to effectively apply it to your own circumstances. What is true forgiveness? So, let’s start at the beginning: how do you define ‘forgiveness’? As award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., explains, there are several layers to defining the term as we understand it in psychology. “The etymology of forgiveness is quite interesting,” Dr Kinsey says, “First, …

Have an Unhealthy Relationship with Online Dating?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

What is a series about online dating doing on a psychology blog? The quality of a person’s relationships is synonymous with mental health. And, if you’re single you’re in a relationship with dating. You may be dating a lot, a little, or avoiding it entirely. No matter which best describes you, you’re in a relationship with dating–and most likely online dating is a major part of this relationship. As a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City, adventures in online dating are a part of the conversation with literally every single one of the unattached patients I treat. Some people do have success with online dating. However, one thing I have never heard a patient say is: “I love online dating. It’s so much fun.” I don’t claim my sample is representative, but my patients’ view is consistent with commentary I’ve received from friends and colleagues. The refrains are consistent. “It’s annoying.” “Lots of shady people.” “It’s a major time suck.” “People look nothing like their pictures.” “She ghosted me.” And so on… With all …

Link between Narcissism and Erectile Dysfunction

Uncovering The Surprising Link Between Erectile Dysfunction And Narcissism… And What It Reveals About Impotence Treatment

Published by Bex April May

Erectile dysfunction and narcissism are two psychological ideas which, when you experience them, can consume many other aspects of your life. But, you might be surprised to learn that these phenomena, though on the surface seemingly totally separate, might actually be related. Interestingly, understanding this relationship can also be the key to treating both concerns with therapy, too. Clinical psychologist and author, Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., has noted a definitive link between the two in his patients. “In my clinical practice, I have often seen erectile dysfunction occur alongside hypermasculine displays of narcissism,” he confirms. Although erectile dysfunction tends to be a problem experienced later in life, Dr. Kinsey explains that the seeds for it are planted in the environment men have grown up in. “The foundation for later problems, including getting and maintaining erections, can be built when men have been reared in a macho environment,” Dr. Kinsey says, “Some features of such an environment include where there has been punishment for signs of vulnerability (which is viewed as a weakness), where they have experienced …

3 Top Relationship Experts Explain Cheating

Published by Bex April May

Infidelity is one of the most emotionally devastating and life-changing events we can go through – whichever side of the act we find ourselves on. But cheating is also a gray area when it comes to relationships: the definitions of it can be loose, and different people’s interpretations and motivations can differ greatly. With lines blurred and definitions muddled, an expert’s advice can be all the more essential. We spoke to three relationship experts and psychologists to discover the differences in cheating when it comes to men and women, how to tell if you are being cheated on, and what to do if you are. Why do people cheat? It sounds like a simple question, but the answer is complex. As clinical psychologist Michael Kinsey, PhD explains, “Cheating is communication through action. Action is a more primitive way of communicating and, in the intricate world of human relationships, is an unwieldy, blunt instrument.” “There are any number of reasons why someone will ‘act out’ through infidelity. Let’s distinguish between two broad categories: One is personality-based …

What is the Definition of Passive-Aggressive? 13 Experts Weigh In

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Recently, I sought out a definition for passive-aggression–a term I felt I understood implicitly, but found difficult to define in precise terms. I came across one cheeky definition that I found compelling in a book by Ashta-Deb; the author defined passive aggression in the following way: “Passive-Aggression – the act of being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.” I still like this definition very much. I find it especially validating when I’m on the receiving end of what I believe to be particularly nasty forms of passive-aggression. Though I like Ashta-Deb’s snappy definition, it still left me with unanswered questions. For example, Is passive-aggression conscious or unconscious? Is it always “spiteful”? Is the “mental pain” it inflicts the same type of pain? I further realized in searching for a definition for passive-aggressive behavior, that even though the term can be found in the psychoanalytic literature, its use transcends any particular theoretical orientation and/or school of thought. Over the years, the term appears to have been appropriated by the masses, which I …