Author: Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

The Gaming Mind: A New Psychology of Videogames and the Power of Play

Alex Kriss, Ph.D., on “The Gaming Mind: A New Psychology of Videogames and the Power of Play”

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Alexander Kriss, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and author based in New York. His first book, The Gaming Mind: A New Psychology of Videogames and the Power of Play, was published in 2019. He graduated from New York University’s Tisch School of the Arts with a B.F.A. in playwriting. He received his M.A. and Ph.D. in clinical psychology at The New School for Social Research. He is also an adjunct professor of psychology at The City College of New York and Fordham University.  He has written about the intersection of mental health and technology for Salon, Psychology Today, and Logic. Alex Kriss on “The Gaming Mind: A New Psychology of Videogames and the Power of Play” . Q: What inspired you to write The Gaming Mind: A New Psychology of Videogames and the Power of Play? AK: I started playing videogames with my father when I was five years old. They were an important part of my life throughout childhood, adolescence, and into adulthood, though I didn’t necessarily appreciate how important for a long time. As I began to develop a professional identity as a clinical …

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Transcendent Parenting: Workbook for Parents Sharing Children with Narcissists

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists is a new book by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D. He developed the Transcendent Parenting system with the aim to of keeping you and your child focused on the things that matter most, rather than becoming caught up in time-consuming, energy-depleting, petty conflict with a narcissist. Here is an interview with the author. What is Transcendent Parenting (TP)? I developed Transcendent Parenting to help mothers and fathers who have children with narcissists navigate the never-ending flow of annoyances that arise from collaborating and coordinating with narcissists. Narcissists have a way of making very simple transactions complicated and contentious.   The philosophy behind Transcendent Parenting is based in the emotional dynamics of narcissism.  In particular, I find that narcissists consistently jockey to be the favored parent, the “good guy/gal,” the fun one, the laid back one, etc.  This usually translates into a lot of provocations of the ex and manipulation of the child.   Transcendent Parenting is designed to help parents sniff out narcissistic behavior and respond in ways that are effective, …

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Dear Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse: Own Your Healthy Narcissism!

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Search Narcissism on the internet and you’ll see that evocative word does not fill people up with the warm fuzzies that a word like “puppies” might. Anger, despondent wails, grievances and other cries of unfairness would overwhelm anyone who takes the time to sample content from social media, forums, and blogs on the subject. And yet I think we need to change our attitude towards the word. A revered mentor of mine, David Shapiro, used to say that he was unimpressed by Narcissism as a diagnostic label. “Everyone’s narcissistic,” he’d say. “Narcissism is a developmental stage. It’s not really a personality organization,” he elaborated.  Narcissism is one of the few topics on which Dr. Shapiro and I disagree. And even though I believe Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real phenomenon, Dr. Shapiro says something we should all take very seriously. That is, everyone is narcissistic. Why do we need to re-appropriate the the term “narcissism”? We’re not all narcissistic in the same way, or to the same degree, but we do all have …

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Sleep Tips 2020 | Therapy NYC | Find a Therapist

Sleep Tips for 2020

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

This is a comprehensive guide to better sleep. In this article you’ll learn six actionable sleep tips: The psychology of insomnia. Ideal conditions for sleep. How to stop nightmares. 7 actionable steps to sleep better. 8 sleep hygiene tools that get results. How to use “brain tapping” to fall asleep. Let’s get started. Psychology of Insomnia It’s useful to remember that, in one way or another, we all seek relaxation through sensations that bring us back to a state of complete, passive, dependency – the most profound of these experiences being the period in which we were nestled safely inside our mother’s womb. Sounds, beats, enclosed spaces can all take us back to this state, where letting go, relaxing, and falling asleep posed no challenge. Since sleep is one of the most natural things we do, insomnia is typically an issue with experience overriding this natural proclivity due to perceived risk to survival. This episode of Radiolab on sleep makes a compelling case that predation threat is one such environmental factor that could make falling asleep difficult. Difficulties falling …

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The Importance of Free Play

Free Play: Why It’s Important and How to Get Your Kids to Participate

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by Shalom K. Introduction Play is a crucial part of any child’s growth and development. It is a means for them to explore new things, learn, and develop. Your child learns to depend on their capabilities, building their self-worth and self-esteem. Having raised my kids full time and homeschooling them, I have had to come up with strategies that will help them engage in play and learning. Before we get to the strategy, let’s first understand what free play is and why it’s so essential for kids. What is Free Play? Free play is any unstructured, voluntary, child-initiated activity that lets kids develop their imagination while exploring their environs. It is the spontaneous play that is born from a child’s curiosity, enthusiasm, and love of discovery. It can include playing with dolls, blocks, crayons, clay, paper, and so on: anything that allows free, creative play. Outdoor play is the best form of free play. When kids are outside, they explore different things in nature and discover bugs they would have otherwise missed if …

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Get more out of mindfulness

Mindfulness “What Skills”: How To Get More Out of Being Mindful

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Imagine the following.  You’re sitting at home alone, amid a rare chunk of free time.  You stop scrolling through Netflix aimlessly and decide to do something “productive.” A million ideas come to mind of things you could do.  Run an errand? Pay a bill? Call your mother? Nothing feels like the right thing to do with this precious gift from the gods of modern living.   Suddenly, it clicks.  Mindfulness! All these monks, therapists, and TED talkers seem to think it’s the cat’s pajamas.  Let’s give it a whirl. You review a trusted protocol on how to be mindful.  You know, the one that starts with “Find a comfortable position with your back straight…” You focus on your breath.  You watch your thoughts. You notice yourself drifting off.   *Dinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*  The meditation timer rings and you don’t feel at all transformed.  You want to get it, but you just can’t see what the fuss is about. All those enlightened gurus can’t be wrong though? You think, “What’s wrong with me?” If this story sounds familiar, then this …

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Dealing with Stubborn and Unmotivated Kids? Read This…

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by NikWilk Every parent gets frustrated from time to time. If you can train the dog not to bark so loudly by giving his nose a swat, is that acceptable in child-rearing? Some parents think it should be! But motivating a kid is a lot harder than motivating a pet, and the results far more rewarding. Homework One of the many frustrating things parents must deal with is homework. And perhaps your first mistake is taking this burden onto yourself, rather than placing it where it belongs – on your child. To a large extent, a child will be careless about homework simply because he or she knows just how much you feel responsible for them completing it. It can devolve into a matter of control. Children have such little control over their lives, they may choose to exercise what control they have in inappropriate situations, such as homework. The more important it is to you, the more they will sense they have the upper hand. Or control of the situation. You must …

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Deconstructing Narcissism: A Model of Emotional Dynamics of the Narcissistic Personality

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction: With the aim of simplifying and clarifying my own understanding of the dynamics of the narcissistic personality, I set out to create a simple, clear flow chart. In particular, I wanted to link the grandiose narcissistic behavior, with narcissistically-injured/deflated narcissism, and other forms egocentrism can take.  What I ended up with was not the neat, simple chart I had in mind. Instead, I got the thing above. Still, it helped me to clarify a bunch of stray thoughts, experiences, and theory associated with narcissism. I’ll do my best to go through the different components and make it more clear. Inside Out: The first thing to know while looking at the chart is that the center represents what the narcissist feels, and would express if asked. For the narcissistic organization, it’s important to understand that the area of emotional awareness is very small.  Most of the big and powerful emotions are outside of conscious awareness. However, the narcissist will likely only experience a diffuse sense of anxiety and/or depression. On the outermost area of the …

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Envy & Destroying Others' good fortune

Envy: The Camouflaged Emotion

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

More and more I encounter an emotion in patients that is quiet, hidden, nagging, and insidious.  Most people seem surprised when it’s named, and the notion of inviting an open exploration of the feeling in their relationships seems quite unthinkable.  To own the emotion feels shameful, and the detection of said emotion elicits guilt in the perceiver. It’s a primitive feeling we can easily recognize, yet conveniently tend not to take notice of.  What is the feeling?   Envy. It’s at the heart of relationship problems, in families and between lovers.  Its corrosive properties lurk at the heart of political divides and toxic discourse.  Individuals and groups grow further apart and disparities emerge, more seeds of envy are sewn. What is the Experience of Envy? One thing I find interesting about envy is that it is much easier to feel than it is to define.  As stated above, it’s primitive and easy to access in our bodies. But what exactly is it?   Before defining it, I invite you to feel in your body.  Bring to mind …

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5 Reasons to Consider Psychiatric Medication

Top 5 Reasons to Consider Psychiatric Medication

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction A surprising dichotomy of viewpoints seems to arise around the topic of psychiatry and management; the first is that psychiatrists are real doctors and psychotherapists are quacks.  The second is that medication is for suckers, weaklings, and the desperate. The polarization I’ve observed about these topics is surprising considering all evidence seems to indicate that both work pretty well together.  While it’s not my place to tell people they must be on medication (As in, legally I’m not allowed to), I can certainly tell you about my experience with medication as a supplement to psychotherapy, and why it may make sense to consult with a psychiatrist about your needs. 1. Step Outside the System Our personalities and individual psychologies are complex dynamic systems.  Our character structures consist of many forces, mounting pressures, levers, sources of friction, algorithms, contingencies, etc. that come together to create an overall feeling of goodness or badness of some kind.  The important point about our personalities being systems is that they seem to favor repeated, stable, and predictable outcomes, regardless …

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