All posts tagged: parenting advice

Transcendent Parenting: Workbook for Parents Sharing Children with Narcissists

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists is a new book by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D. He developed the Transcendent Parenting system with the aim to of keeping you and your child focused on the things that matter most, rather than becoming caught up in time-consuming, energy-depleting, petty conflict with a narcissist. Here is an interview with the author. What is Transcendent Parenting (TP)? I developed Transcendent Parenting to help mothers and fathers who have children with narcissists navigate the never-ending flow of annoyances that arise from collaborating and coordinating with narcissists. Narcissists have a way of making very simple transactions complicated and contentious.   The philosophy behind Transcendent Parenting is based in the emotional dynamics of narcissism.  In particular, I find that narcissists consistently jockey to be the favored parent, the “good guy/gal,” the fun one, the laid back one, etc.  This usually translates into a lot of provocations of the ex and manipulation of the child.   Transcendent Parenting is designed to help parents sniff out narcissistic behavior and respond in ways that are effective, …

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Common Parenting Mistakes

6 Well-Intentioned Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Every parent makes mistakes with their kids.  Kids are resilient and in many ways built to survive parental error.  Almost all mistakes are forgivable–especially if they are recognized as mistakes.  As a psychotherapist, I have observed a strange paradox time and time again: some of the most pernicious parenting mistakes are the ones about which parents are certain are not mistakes.  That is to say, that these particular foibles contain three destructive elements: 1) The mistake is well intentioned and therefore is not recognized as harmful (and therefore may recur with high frequencies without the insensitivity being acknowledged); 2)The parent through superior power and intellect forces his/her conviction that the mistake is in fact beneficial to the child; and 3)The child believes that any negative feelings, misgivings, or correct intuitions he/she has about the behavior/attitude in questions are in fact proof of the child’s defectivity.   “some day, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of child’s spirit; for …

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Parenting Advice: Practical Wisdom on How to Approach a Temper Tantrum

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Many years ago at a training for how to de-escalate emotionally disturbed teenagers, my instructor illustrated the concepts of negative and positive reinforcement with the following example: You take your child to the grocery store.  After gathering all your items, your three-year-old inquires “Mom, can I have this candy bar?” “No Honey, I already got you those cookies you wanted, remember?” “But I want this!” The exchange continues until your child is crying and screaming.  Just before you complete your errand and move on to the next item on an impossibly long list of chores, this embarrassing scene arises.  You can feel the eyes of other customers bearing down on you, judging you and your impotent parenting.   With things to do and resentful glares upon you, you grab the candy bar with an indignant huff from your child’s hand and present it to the cashier.   “And this too,” you utter in defeat.   Your child’s wailing ceases and you are back on schedule–all for a paltry sum of a buck fifty. In this episode, both you …

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