Charmed by deception: Why we love to believe the lies others tell themselves
Why are people who lie to themselves so charismatic? Everyone lies to themselves. Self-deception (a.k.a., denial) is a necessary defense mechanism. However, some people overuse denial and/or deploy it as a defense in a rigid, maladaptive way. So what does charisma have to do with self-deception? To answer this, I’ll rephrase the questions ever so slightly: What is it about people who believe their own lies that makes them so charismatic? The answer to this question is quite simple. If someone believes their own lies, then most other people will believe them, too. Humans are amazingly sophisticated when it comes to interpreting social behavior. We’ll naturally spot any incongruity between what a person says and how they behave. When someone lacks conviction in something, most people can detect the discrepancy between the words and the delivery. Narcissists are masters at this. They can often speak their grandiose notions of themselves into existence. How can they do this? Remember The Little Engine that Could? Simply believing you can actually can sometimes actually make it happen. But …
