All posts filed under: Relationships

Link between Narcissism and Erectile Dysfunction

Uncovering The Surprising Link Between Erectile Dysfunction And Narcissism… And What It Reveals About Impotence Treatment

Published by Bex April May

Erectile dysfunction and narcissism are two psychological ideas which, when you experience them, can consume many other aspects of your life. But, you might be surprised to learn that these phenomena, though on the surface seemingly totally separate, might actually be related.  Interestingly, understanding this relationship can also be the key to treating both concerns with therapy, too.  Clinical psychologist and author, Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., has noted a definitive link between the two in his patients. “In my clinical practice, I have often seen erectile dysfunction occur alongside hypermasculine displays of narcissism,” he confirms. Although erectile dysfunction tends to be a problem experienced later in life, Dr. Kinsey explains that the seeds for it are planted in the environment men have grown up in. “The foundation for later problems, including getting and maintaining erections, can be built when men have been reared in a macho environment,” Dr. Kinsey says, “Some features of such an environment include where there has been punishment for signs of vulnerability (which is viewed as a weakness), where they have experienced …

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Cheating & Infidelity

3 Top Relationship Experts Explain Cheating

Published by Bex April May

Infidelity is one of the most emotionally devastating and life-changing events we can go through – whichever side of the act we find ourselves on. But cheating is also a gray area when it comes to relationships: the definitions of it can be loose, and different people’s interpretations and motivations can differ greatly. With lines blurred and definitions muddled, an expert’s advice can be all the more essential. We spoke to three relationship experts and psychologists to discover the differences in cheating when it comes to men and women, how to tell if you are being cheated on, and what to do if you are. Why do people cheat? It sounds like a simple question, but the answer is complex. As clinical psychologist Michael Kinsey, PhD explains, “Cheating is communication through action. Action is a more primitive way of communicating and, in the intricate world of human relationships, is an unwieldy, blunt instrument.” “There are any number of reasons why someone will ‘act out’ through infidelity.  Let’s distinguish between two broad categories: One is  personality-based …

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passive-aggressive behavior definition

What is the Definition of Passive-Aggressive? 13 Experts Weigh In

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Recently, I sought out a definition for passive-aggression–a term I felt I understood implicitly, but found difficult to define in precise terms.  I came across one cheeky definition that I found compelling in a book by Ashta-Deb; the author defined passive aggression in the following way: “Passive-Aggression – the act of being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.” I still like this definition very much.  I find it especially validating when I’m on the receiving end of what I believe to be particularly nasty forms of passive-aggression. Though I like Ashta-Deb’s snappy definition, it still left me with unanswered questions.  For example, Is passive-aggression conscious or unconscious? Is it always “spiteful”? Is the “mental pain” it inflicts the same type of pain? I further realized in searching for a definition for passive-aggressive behavior, that even though the term can be found in the psychoanalytic literature, its use transcends any particular theoretical orientation and/or school of thought.  Over the years, the term appears to have been appropriated by the masses, which I …

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Transcendent Parenting: Workbook for Parents Sharing Children with Narcissists

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists is a new book by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D. He developed the Transcendent Parenting system with the aim to of keeping you and your child focused on the things that matter most, rather than becoming caught up in time-consuming, energy-depleting, petty conflict with a narcissist. Here is an interview with the author. What is Transcendent Parenting (TP)? I developed Transcendent Parenting to help mothers and fathers who have children with narcissists navigate the never-ending flow of annoyances that arise from collaborating and coordinating with narcissists. Narcissists have a way of making very simple transactions complicated and contentious.   The philosophy behind Transcendent Parenting is based in the emotional dynamics of narcissism.  In particular, I find that narcissists consistently jockey to be the favored parent, the “good guy/gal,” the fun one, the laid back one, etc.  This usually translates into a lot of provocations of the ex and manipulation of the child.   Transcendent Parenting is designed to help parents sniff out narcissistic behavior and respond in ways that are effective, …

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The Importance of Free Play

Free Play: Why It’s Important and How to Get Your Kids to Participate

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by Shalom K. Introduction Play is a crucial part of any child’s growth and development. It is a means for them to explore new things, learn, and develop. Your child learns to depend on their capabilities, building their self-worth and self-esteem. Having raised my kids full time and homeschooling them, I have had to come up with strategies that will help them engage in play and learning. Before we get to the strategy, let’s first understand what free play is and why it’s so essential for kids. What is Free Play? Free play is any unstructured, voluntary, child-initiated activity that lets kids develop their imagination while exploring their environs. It is the spontaneous play that is born from a child’s curiosity, enthusiasm, and love of discovery. It can include playing with dolls, blocks, crayons, clay, paper, and so on: anything that allows free, creative play. Outdoor play is the best form of free play. When kids are outside, they explore different things in nature and discover bugs they would have otherwise missed if …

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7 Sleep Tips for New Moms

Published by Elizabeth Mitchell

Here are 7 sleep tips for new moms and borns. In this article you’ll learn: How to teach your baby to sleep Start with yourself Make sleep a priority for your baby Falling asleep is a skill Creating a sleep routine Understanding your baby’s need to cry Sleep training How to Teach Your Baby to Sleep Nobody functions well on little sleep.  Sleep is a basic need for both physical and mental health, yet new parents are chronically sleep-deprived. Sleep is a loaded area for most new parents.  Not only is our ability to parent as a calm leader for our child impaired by sleep-deprivation, the territory of “sleep training” is full of judgment and anxiety.  Am I harming my child by letting them cry in their crib?  Is cosleeping safe?  Am a better parent if I never let my baby cry or if I let them learn to handle their feelings?  Can babies actually self-soothe?  Family, friends, and even our partners have different feelings about how babies should sleep and this pressure can create …

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Dealing with Stubborn and Unmotivated Kids? Read This…

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by NikWilk Every parent gets frustrated from time to time. If you can train the dog not to bark so loudly by giving his nose a swat, is that acceptable in child-rearing? Some parents think it should be! But motivating a kid is a lot harder than motivating a pet, and the results far more rewarding. Homework One of the many frustrating things parents must deal with is homework. And perhaps your first mistake is taking this burden onto yourself, rather than placing it where it belongs – on your child. To a large extent, a child will be careless about homework simply because he or she knows just how much you feel responsible for them completing it. It can devolve into a matter of control. Children have such little control over their lives, they may choose to exercise what control they have in inappropriate situations, such as homework. The more important it is to you, the more they will sense they have the upper hand. Or control of the situation. You must …

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Common Parenting Mistakes

6 Well-Intentioned Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Every parent makes mistakes with their kids.  Kids are resilient and in many ways built to survive parental error.  Almost all mistakes are forgivable–especially if they are recognized as mistakes.  As a psychotherapist, I have observed a strange paradox time and time again: some of the most pernicious parenting mistakes are the ones about which parents are certain are not mistakes.  That is to say, that these particular foibles contain three destructive elements: 1) The mistake is well intentioned and therefore is not recognized as harmful (and therefore may recur with high frequencies without the insensitivity being acknowledged); 2)The parent through superior power and intellect forces his/her conviction that the mistake is in fact beneficial to the child; and 3)The child believes that any negative feelings, misgivings, or correct intuitions he/she has about the behavior/attitude in questions are in fact proof of the child’s defectivity.   “some day, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of child’s spirit; for …

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panic attacks and existential anxieties

6 Existential Anxieties That Could Be the Cause of Your Panic Attacks

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Panic attacks are among the most common and most distressing symptoms I see as a therapist.  Not only do people encounter some of their most primitive existential fears, such as feeling like they are dying or going crazy, panic sufferers also have to deal with the repetitive (and often unpredictable) nature of panic, and the fact that others cannot fully appreciate the intensity of the experience. Search the web and you’ll find a ton of strategies to deal with panic attacks.  In my opinion, very few (none in fact that I have found) adequately address different types of panic attacks.  While I do not explicitly address tips for dealing with panic here, I believe we can optimize our coping strategies for anxiety attacks by first identifying what the panic is and what it is signifying.  I identify six types of panic that I have observed in clinical practice below. I do not accept that panic attacks “come out of nowhere.” While cues may not be easily identifiable, experience has taught me that there is ALWAYS …

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The “No” Quadrant: When To Say “No” and Maintain Healthy Boundaries

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

To be healthy in our emotional life we need good boundaries.  What does it mean to have good boundaries? In a basic sense, good boundaries means being able to define yourself and your values as distinct and separate from those of others.  Defining ourselves is important because we must first be separate to fully experience and benefit closeness to others. In all relationships we need to be able to protect our interests, take care of others without excessive sacrificing of our needs, and maintain the freedom to say no.  These abilities correlate highly with self-confidence, self-esteem, and healthy intimate connections with others. Good boundaries are incompatible with two of the most common afflictions of modern society, anxiety and depression. Saying no is a critical aspect of boundary-setting, as denying others’ requests is essential to freedom. Without freedom, relationships begin to feel like servitude. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is an approach to treating a condition notorious for both poor boundaries and extreme states of distress.  Marsha Linehan, the creator and matriarch of DBT, provides a …

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