All posts filed under: Narcissism

Self-deception and charm

Charmed by deception: Why we love to believe the lies others tell themselves

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Why are people who lie to themselves so charismatic? Everyone lies to themselves.  Self-deception (a.k.a., denial) is a necessary defense mechanism. However, some people overuse denial and/or deploy it as a defense in a rigid, maladaptive way. So what does charisma have to do with self-deception?  To answer this, I’ll rephrase the questions ever so slightly: What is it about people who believe their own lies that makes them so charismatic?  The answer to this question is quite simple.  If someone believes their own lies, then most other people will believe them, too. Humans are amazingly sophisticated when it comes to interpreting social behavior.  We’ll naturally spot any incongruity between what a person says and how they behave.  When someone lacks conviction in something, most people can detect the discrepancy between the words and the delivery. Narcissists are masters at this.  They can often speak their grandiose notions of themselves into existence.  How can they do this? Remember The Little Engine that Could? Simply believing you can actually can sometimes actually make it happen. But …

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npd vs bpd

It’s not easy being green: Is envy in BPD the same shade as envy in NPD?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Many have observed that borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder both share a common denominator of envy. Envy, since it’s a feeling of being or having less than someone else, is what points clinicians to the core feelings of emptiness at the heart of both disorders. But since the DSM-5 classifies these cluster B disorders as separate entities, does it naturally follow that envy presents differently in BPD vs NPD? Before addressing this question, I’ll start with several caveats: Envy is a natural emotion that everyone not only experiences, but also expresses in more than one way (Narcissism is also a trait that all possess and can express in numerous ways) BPD and NPD have many different expressions.  If you look at the criteria for BPD and NPD, then calculate all of the different ways someone can meet criteria for the disorder, you’ll find that there can be tremendous diversity in symptom clusters within the same diagnostic category Personality disorders are notorious for bleeding into one another.  Most people who meet criteria for one …

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GameStop Short Squeeze

How Reddit’s Wallstreetbets Used GameStop to Attack Hedge Fund Narcissism

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

What’s going on with the GameStop situation? What is the internet good for if not a tightly-knit network of folks doing a deep-dive into an obscure problem?  The fervent group of Redditors known as Wallstreetbets (WSB) are finance mavens who claim they’ve found a way to make themselves rich while taking down a cadre of slick, high-powered, hucksters on wall street. Many of these self-identified “diamond-handed” “apes” have already made millions buying GameStop (GME), a Texas-based company that political pundit Ben Shapiro calls “a swap meet meets blockbuster.” Many of these newly-minted millionaires are willing to lose millions to stay in the game. The talking heads ridicule the bros from Wallstreetbets because they’ve chosen to support a company that lost its competitive edge as online retail and digital media have proliferated.  If the historically brick-and-mortar company was not obsolete before the COVID-19 pandemic, its physical locations must be doomed as the world resigns itself to buying online. And yet, over the last few weeks, major hedge funds like Citadel and Melvin have allegedly lost billions …

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Link between Narcissism and Erectile Dysfunction

Uncovering The Surprising Link Between Erectile Dysfunction And Narcissism… And What It Reveals About Impotence Treatment

Published by Bex April May

Erectile dysfunction and narcissism are two psychological ideas which, when you experience them, can consume many other aspects of your life. But, you might be surprised to learn that these phenomena, though on the surface seemingly totally separate, might actually be related.  Interestingly, understanding this relationship can also be the key to treating both concerns with therapy, too.  Clinical psychologist and author, Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., has noted a definitive link between the two in his patients. “In my clinical practice, I have often seen erectile dysfunction occur alongside hypermasculine displays of narcissism,” he confirms. Although erectile dysfunction tends to be a problem experienced later in life, Dr. Kinsey explains that the seeds for it are planted in the environment men have grown up in. “The foundation for later problems, including getting and maintaining erections, can be built when men have been reared in a macho environment,” Dr. Kinsey says, “Some features of such an environment include where there has been punishment for signs of vulnerability (which is viewed as a weakness), where they have experienced …

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passive-aggressive behavior definition

What is the Definition of Passive-Aggressive? 13 Experts Weigh In

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Recently, I sought out a definition for passive-aggression–a term I felt I understood implicitly, but found difficult to define in precise terms.  I came across one cheeky definition that I found compelling in a book by Ashta-Deb; the author defined passive aggression in the following way: “Passive-Aggression – the act of being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.” I still like this definition very much.  I find it especially validating when I’m on the receiving end of what I believe to be particularly nasty forms of passive-aggression. Though I like Ashta-Deb’s snappy definition, it still left me with unanswered questions.  For example, Is passive-aggression conscious or unconscious? Is it always “spiteful”? Is the “mental pain” it inflicts the same type of pain? I further realized in searching for a definition for passive-aggressive behavior, that even though the term can be found in the psychoanalytic literature, its use transcends any particular theoretical orientation and/or school of thought.  Over the years, the term appears to have been appropriated by the masses, which I …

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Transcendent Parenting: Workbook for Parents Sharing Children with Narcissists

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists is a new book by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D. He developed the Transcendent Parenting system with the aim to of keeping you and your child focused on the things that matter most, rather than becoming caught up in time-consuming, energy-depleting, petty conflict with a narcissist. Here is an interview with the author. What is Transcendent Parenting (TP)? I developed Transcendent Parenting to help mothers and fathers who have children with narcissists navigate the never-ending flow of annoyances that arise from collaborating and coordinating with narcissists. Narcissists have a way of making very simple transactions complicated and contentious.   The philosophy behind Transcendent Parenting is based in the emotional dynamics of narcissism.  In particular, I find that narcissists consistently jockey to be the favored parent, the “good guy/gal,” the fun one, the laid back one, etc.  This usually translates into a lot of provocations of the ex and manipulation of the child.   Transcendent Parenting is designed to help parents sniff out narcissistic behavior and respond in ways that are effective, …

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Dear Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse: Own Your Healthy Narcissism!

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Search Narcissism on the internet and you’ll see that evocative word does not fill people up with the warm fuzzies that a word like “puppies” might. Anger, despondent wails, grievances and other cries of unfairness would overwhelm anyone who takes the time to sample content from social media, forums, and blogs on the subject. And yet I think we need to change our attitude towards the word. A revered mentor of mine, David Shapiro, used to say that he was unimpressed by Narcissism as a diagnostic label. “Everyone’s narcissistic,” he’d say. “Narcissism is a developmental stage. It’s not really a personality organization,” he elaborated.  Narcissism is one of the few topics on which Dr. Shapiro and I disagree. And even though I believe Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a very real phenomenon, Dr. Shapiro says something we should all take very seriously. That is, everyone is narcissistic. Why do we need to re-appropriate the the term “narcissism”? We’re not all narcissistic in the same way, or to the same degree, but we do all have …

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Deconstructing Narcissism: A Model of Emotional Dynamics of the Narcissistic Personality

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction: With the aim of simplifying and clarifying my own understanding of the dynamics of the narcissistic personality, I set out to create a simple, clear flow chart. In particular, I wanted to link the grandiose narcissistic behavior, with narcissistically-injured/deflated narcissism, and other forms egocentrism can take.  What I ended up with was not the neat, simple chart I had in mind. Instead, I got the thing above. Still, it helped me to clarify a bunch of stray thoughts, experiences, and theory associated with narcissism. I’ll do my best to go through the different components and make it more clear. Inside Out: The first thing to know while looking at the chart is that the center represents what the narcissist feels, and would express if asked. For the narcissistic organization, it’s important to understand that the area of emotional awareness is very small.  Most of the big and powerful emotions are outside of conscious awareness. However, the narcissist will likely only experience a diffuse sense of anxiety and/or depression. On the outermost area of the …

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