To be healthy in our emotional life we need good boundaries.  What does it mean to have good boundaries? In a basic sense, good boundaries means being able to define yourself and your values as distinct and separate from those of others.  Defining ourselves is important because we must first be separate to fully experience and benefit closeness to others. In all relationships we need to be able to protect our interests, take care of others without excessive sacrificing of our needs, and maintain the freedom to say no.  These abilities correlate highly with self-confidence, self-esteem, and healthy intimate connections with others. Good boundaries are incompatible with two of the most common afflictions of modern society, anxiety and depression. Saying no is a critical aspect of boundary-setting, as denying others’ requests is essential to freedom. Without freedom, relationships begin to feel like servitude. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is an approach to treating a condition notorious for both poor boundaries and extreme states of distress.  Marsha Linehan, the creator and matriarch of DBT, provides a …