Passive Aggression Passive aggression is difficult to define, but tends to be unmistakable when we encounter it.  It can take many forms: a backhanded compliment, an act of martyrdom, a plaintive remark that’s “not about you” (but almost certainly is).  Even more frustrating are more ambiguous and disavowed actions that seem to be about something bigger than the issue at hand. Showing emotional distance, “forgetting” to do something important, not responding to a text message, or simply expressing small grievances when a bigger complaint is the elephant in the room. So what makes the passive aggressive behavior we receive so frustrating?  I believe the attack in passive aggression to be a combination of abandoning and “gaslighting” (i.e., making someone doubt the validity of their own thoughts, feelings, and/or perceptions).  We’ve all had the experience of impotently asking an passive-aggressive offender the naive question “What’s wrong?” The inevitable reply? “Nothing.” The perpetrator of passive aggression delights in our anxious feeling that something is off, our powerlessness in resolving the main issue, and the needy persistence with …