Many have observed that borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder both share a common denominator of envy. Envy, since it’s a feeling of being or having less than someone else, is what points clinicians to the core feelings of emptiness at the heart of both disorders.
But since the DSM-5 classifies these cluster B disorders as separate entities, does it naturally follow that envy presents differently in BPD vs NPD?
Before addressing this question, I’ll start with several caveats:
- Envy is a natural emotion that everyone not only experiences, but also expresses in more than one way (Narcissism is also a trait that all possess and can express in numerous ways)
- BPD and NPD have many different expressions. If you look at the criteria for BPD and NPD, then calculate all of the different ways someone can meet criteria for the disorder, you’ll find that there can be tremendous diversity in symptom clusters within the same diagnostic category
- Personality disorders are notorious for bleeding into one another. Most people who meet criteria for one PD tend to also meet criteria for(at least) a second PD. NPD and BPD are very closely related in etiology and expression, making them very good candidates to diagnose together.
That being said, here’s the broad-strokes difference as I see it:
In Borderline Personality Disorder, the root of envy stems from having a fluid, rapidly-shifting, unstable sense of self. Sufferers of BPD often envy people who display a certain confidence–or even rigidity–in how they present themselves to the world.
The fact that people with BPD often find themselves in relationships with Narcissists is directly attributable to the fact that narcissists are extremely rigid and present a very polished, unchanging version of themselves to the world. Those with BPD simultaneously are attracted to and hate/envy narcissists for being so “stable.”
The irony, of course, is that many argue BPD is at the core of narcissism.
In short, people with BPD keep those they envy close–they even tend to idealize and emulate those they envy. When envy manifests as aggression, BPD sufferers will gossip or talk behind the object-of-envy’s back.
Narcissists, on the other hand, have a more contentious relationship with those they envy. Narcissists are more likely to directly compete with or criticize the people they envy. Envy gets expressed in a more hostile manner.
Narcissists are also much more likely to deny that envy lies at the root of this hostility. While someone with BPD might acknowledge that hostility is connected to envy, a narcissist would feel injured to admit that someone has a quality that s/he lacks and desires.
Of course, there is much more nuance than this, but in my experience, this is the primary difference.
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