Guest Post by NikWilk

Every parent gets frustrated from time to time. If you can train the dog not to bark so loudly by giving his nose a swat, is that acceptable in child-rearing? Some parents think it should be! But motivating a kid is a lot harder than motivating a pet, and the results far more rewarding.

Homework

One of the many frustrating things parents must deal with is homework. And perhaps your first mistake is taking this burden onto yourself, rather than placing it where it belongs – on your child. To a large extent, a child will be careless about homework simply because he or she knows just how much you feel responsible for them completing it. It can devolve into a matter of control. Children have such little control over their lives, they may choose to exercise what control they have in inappropriate situations, such as homework. The more important it is to you, the more they will sense they have the upper hand. Or control of the situation. You must reinforce the idea that they are responsible, that they have control, of the homework situation. Allow them to make their own choices, but also allow them to suffer the consequences of their decision. Offer them guidance and support, anything that’s necessary, but don’t allow them to believe that you will shelter them from any consequences of their bad decisions. They will likely find motivation if they believe they have autonomy.  The Empowering Parents website offers some excellent advice on the subject. Another important matter to consider is that, although that swat on the nose may work for Rover, praise and rewards may be much more practical, and efficient, when it comes to your kids. Maybe your child is not engaged in a power struggle, or on a quest to gain some mastery of his own life. Maybe he or she is just too lazy to bother. If this is the case, it’s time to offer something in return, a reward or a privilege, in exchange for his/her effort. This should not be a foreign concept. We are all rewarded, in the form of a paycheck, for our efforts. Why should you expect your child to be motivated when they can see no payback. It’s the proverbial carrot and stick approach. And consider that they may believe the homework task simply not worth the effort simply because they find it so difficult. Offer them any assistance that you can provide to help them get through it. And review their work once they have completed it. You can find some excellent advice on how to deal with a child whose slacking off at Wiki How.

Chores

Another area in which your kids may require some motivation is chores. In order to make your child feel that they are truly part of the family and household, it is important that you allow them to contribute. This doesn’t mean that they should chip in on the mortgage payment, but they can certainly perform certain tasks around the house. Kids are naturally “doers”. They want to do something, to stay active. It’s up to you to focus this energy, to motivate them to do something other than run around the yard or play video games. Start when they are young by having them help you with certain simple chores. If you do them together, this will reinforce the feeling of being a member of the team, the family. Try to make the chore fun. Perhaps have a dance party while you mop the floor? Allow them to change their chores as they age. An older child will soon become bored with the simple things he was previously delegated. As the child grows, allow him/her some independence. Make suggestions instead of demands. Parents website offers some excellent advice on chores for children. And then there is the question of paying your children for doing their chores. Motivating them with money. But is this the correct choice? Some parents will argue that this is the only way to train them for the real world of adulthood. Others will tell you that the motivation to do chores should come from a sense of belonging, of contributing to the family unit. You can find the pros and cons spelled out Self Sufficient Kids.

Transitions

Humans are creatures of habit. We all would prefer that things remain constant. An adult may dread the transition from job to job or home to home, but for a child, transitions on a smaller scale are just as daunting. Time to go to bed? Transition! Leave the playground? Transition! Head off to school? Yet another transition! So how can we motivate them to handle these transitions without melting down? First, create a routine leading up to the transition. Bedtime? Brush your teeth, say your prayer, go to bed. Tell the child what is about to happen, and give a countdown until the time when the transition will actually occur. You might sing a song describing the transition. And providing a visual representation of what is to happen, a chart, will provide positive reinforcement about the process. Make sure you have the child’s attention when you request the transition. Maintain eye contact, perhaps touch his arm or shoulder. A shout across a room will not encourage him/her. Reward the child when he transitions without a fuss, but apply appropriate consequences when he/she does not. And praise for a job well done always works well to motivate good behavior in the future.  The Child Mind Institute offers advice on how to motivate a child to transition successfully, as does RaisingChildren.net.

Bedtime

Every parent knows that bedtime can be the most problematic of situations. Young children may not want to go to bed because of fear of being alone, or fear of the dark. Older children may see a forced bedtime as a matter of control, and strive, in inappropriate ways, to assert their independence. Whichever it is, parents must find a way to motivate them to get into bed. It’s best to start at a young age. Make sleep time a family priority. Everybody goes to bed at their own specific time. Make a schedule and stick to it, even on weekends. Be sure to deal with any problems which can affect your child’s rest, such as difficulty falling asleep, breathing problems, and fear of the dark. If your child suffers from a fear of the dark, allow them to have a nightlight or leave the hall light on for them. Work as a team to establish a bedtime routine, such as brushing your teeth, storytime, or reading time. Allow them a bedtime snack such as whole-grain cereal or fruit to sustain them through the night. Be consistent about the temperature at which the bedroom is kept, cool but not cold, and their attire, as well. Your children may be cooperative if you allow them to set their own alarm clock to wake them up in the morning. WebMD offers some great advice on motivating your child at bedtime. If your child is older, you may be dealing with control issues. An older child may be quite capable to make their own decisions about some things, and it’s up to you to decide if bedtime is one of these things. Lack of sleep can make a kid lethargic, nasty, and confrontational. If your child is experiencing none of these things, gets himself up in the morning with a relatively cheerful attitude, and is doing well at school, you usually nothing to worry about. If not, it’s time to take action. The older the child, the abler. They know now the meaning of consequences. These can be consequences due to his lack of sleep, or the consequences you provide due to his lack of adhering to a proper bedtime routine. If your child is not self-motivated, you will have to motivate them. Most teens will not find it a punishment to be sent to their room. Their room is often an electronic wonderland. If you have problems with a child, who will not adhere to a bedtime schedule, remove the electronics from their room. This can mean removing the devices themselves or simply taking the remote control. And don’t forget your cell phone. Keep it with you after you take it from them to make sure that they don’t have access to it at all. Check on them before you retire for the night, but remember to knock before you enter, thus reinforcing their sense of control. Once your older child has proven that they can follow a bedtime routine, and see for themself that they an improved attitude and less trouble at school, they will likely self-correct. EmpoweringParents.com offers good advice on how to deal with older children as well as younger ones.

Morning Routines

Mornings can be very hectic, as anyone with kids knows, and having unmotivated children dragging their feet can only make them more so. Start by giving yourself extra time to have your kids get ready for school. Enough time so that impossible time constraints don’t make the task undoable. Everybody knows that unexpected things happen all the time, so prepare for the..impossible. Or simply nerve-wracking. Have your children complete any tasks they can the night before, rather than at the last minute. Keep younger children close where you can supervise them. If a younger child needs help getting dressed, have them do so in the kitchen with you, rather than leave them to become frustrated in their own room. Consider having a family meeting to discuss the plan for getting ready for school, and make them a part of that plan. And get out the door! Don’t waste time dealing with a minor problem in such a way that will make you, or your child, late. Discuss the concern with them at a less stressful time. Bright Horizons can help with having the kids get ready for school with some helpful advice.  Motivating your kids to do anything can be difficult. Getting ready for school is no different than anything else. It can be especially difficult if it is made more imperative by the necessity to adhere to a tight schedule by the requirements of a parent’s life. It can also be difficult is the child has some problems with the school itself. A child will respond to simple motivations and won’t really care if Mommy will be late for work. Tips on how to motivate your child in any situation, with techniques that are meaningful to them, can be found at Parents.com

Summing Up

Parenting is difficult.  Right answers don’t really exist, only more or less effective strategies.  Above are some tips you may find useful in helping to motivate kids to do homework, chores, transition, get ready for bed, and get moving in the morning.  

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