All posts filed under: Children & Parenting

Are the parents of individuals suffering from BPD aware of the role they had to play in the development of this disorder?

The most widely held theory of etiology for BPD is that sufferers of borderline personality disorder have both a temperamental predisposition (genetic emotional sensitivity and receptivity to one’s emotional environment) AND an emotionally invalidating environment during sensitive developmental periods. I would add that the larger context for both of these etiological factors is an intergenerational history of trauma. Explaining this is beyond the scope of this question, but an important point to hold in mind. This context is necessary to answer the question, since we have to consider how likely parents are to really empathize with the pain of their children. And, the short answer is that parents are not likely to fully comprehend how they have contributed to their child’s BPD. The reasons for this are as follows: Parents don’t tend to be aware of their contributions to the disorder without significant soul-searching because they are the source of the emotionally-invalidating environment. “Awareness” as used in the original question, in my reading, implies more than just intellectual understanding. Parents can cognitively “understand” that they …

Mindsplain Book Review: “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog”

Published by Martyna Bobek

What’s “The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog” About? The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog is a series of stories from a child psychiatrist, Dr. Bruce Perry, who applies his brain development and neuroscience expertise to study how traumatic experiences shape children’s behavior. Each chapter utilizes vivid yet straightforward illustrations to describe his former patients who have endured violence, abuse, and neglect. Simultaneously, Dr. Perry engages his readers to join him on a journey in understanding exactly what happens to the brain if a child is exposed to extreme stress. Readers will find their hearts swelled with compassion, empathy, and ultimately, hope. Key Takeaways from The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog The brain is capable of change despite severe trauma. In other words, healing is possible. Understanding this can provide even the smallest glimmer of hope throughout the darkest of times. The responses of traumatized children are frequently misunderstood. Dr. Perry shares stories in which family homes experience a similar theme-chaos and unpredictability. Given so, kids may respond with fear …

Transcendent Parenting: Workbook for Parents Sharing Children with Narcissists

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Transcendent Parenting: A Workbook For Parents Sharing Children With Narcissists is a new book by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D. He developed the Transcendent Parenting system with the aim to of keeping you and your child focused on the things that matter most, rather than becoming caught up in time-consuming, energy-depleting, petty conflict with a narcissist. Here is an interview with the author. What is Transcendent Parenting (TP)? I developed Transcendent Parenting to help mothers and fathers who have children with narcissists navigate the never-ending flow of annoyances that arise from collaborating and coordinating with narcissists. Narcissists have a way of making very simple transactions complicated and contentious. The philosophy behind Transcendent Parenting is based in the emotional dynamics of narcissism. In particular, I find that narcissists consistently jockey to be the favored parent, the “good guy/gal,” the fun one, the laid back one, etc. This usually translates into a lot of provocations of the ex and manipulation of the child. Transcendent Parenting is designed to help parents sniff out narcissistic behavior and respond in ways that are effective, …

Free Play: Why It’s Important and How to Get Your Kids to Participate

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by Shalom K. Introduction Play is a crucial part of any child’s growth and development. It is a means for them to explore new things, learn, and develop. Your child learns to depend on their capabilities, building their self-worth and self-esteem. Having raised my kids full time and homeschooling them, I have had to come up with strategies that will help them engage in play and learning. Before we get to the strategy, let’s first understand what free play is and why it’s so essential for kids. What is Free Play? Free play is any unstructured, voluntary, child-initiated activity that lets kids develop their imagination while exploring their environs. It is the spontaneous play that is born from a child’s curiosity, enthusiasm, and love of discovery. It can include playing with dolls, blocks, crayons, clay, paper, and so on: anything that allows free, creative play. Outdoor play is the best form of free play. When kids are outside, they explore different things in nature and discover bugs they would have otherwise missed if …

7 Sleep Tips for New Moms

Published by Elizabeth Mitchell

Here are 7 sleep tips for new moms and borns. In this article you’ll learn: How to teach your baby to sleep Start with yourself Make sleep a priority for your baby Falling asleep is a skill Creating a sleep routine Understanding your baby’s need to cry Sleep training How to Teach Your Baby to Sleep Nobody functions well on little sleep. Sleep is a basic need for both physical and mental health, yet new parents are chronically sleep-deprived. Sleep is a loaded area for most new parents. Not only is our ability to parent as a calm leader for our child impaired by sleep-deprivation, the territory of “sleep training” is full of judgment and anxiety. Am I harming my child by letting them cry in their crib? Is cosleeping safe? Am a better parent if I never let my baby cry or if I let them learn to handle their feelings? Can babies actually self-soothe? Family, friends, and even our partners have different feelings about how babies should sleep and this pressure can create …

Dealing with Stubborn and Unmotivated Kids? Read This…

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Guest Post by NikWilk Every parent gets frustrated from time to time. If you can train the dog not to bark so loudly by giving his nose a swat, is that acceptable in child-rearing? Some parents think it should be! But motivating a kid is a lot harder than motivating a pet, and the results far more rewarding. Homework One of the many frustrating things parents must deal with is homework. And perhaps your first mistake is taking this burden onto yourself, rather than placing it where it belongs – on your child. To a large extent, a child will be careless about homework simply because he or she knows just how much you feel responsible for them completing it. It can devolve into a matter of control. Children have such little control over their lives, they may choose to exercise what control they have in inappropriate situations, such as homework. The more important it is to you, the more they will sense they have the upper hand. Or control of the situation. You must …

6 Well-Intentioned Parenting Mistakes to Avoid

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Every parent makes mistakes with their kids. Kids are resilient and in many ways built to survive parental error. Almost all mistakes are forgivable–especially if they are recognized as mistakes. As a psychotherapist, I have observed a strange paradox time and time again: some of the most pernicious parenting mistakes are the ones about which parents are certain are not mistakes. That is to say, that these particular foibles contain three destructive elements: 1) The mistake is well intentioned and therefore is not recognized as harmful (and therefore may recur with high frequencies without the insensitivity being acknowledged); 2)The parent through superior power and intellect forces his/her conviction that the mistake is in fact beneficial to the child; and 3)The child believes that any negative feelings, misgivings, or correct intuitions he/she has about the behavior/attitude in questions are in fact proof of the child’s defectivity. “some day, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of child’s spirit; for …

Parenting Advice: Practical Wisdom on How to Approach a Temper Tantrum

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Many years ago at a training for how to de-escalate emotionally disturbed teenagers, my instructor illustrated the concepts of negative and positive reinforcement with the following example: You take your child to the grocery store. After gathering all your items, your three-year-old inquires “Mom, can I have this candy bar?” “No Honey, I already got you those cookies you wanted, remember?” “But I want this!” The exchange continues until your child is crying and screaming. Just before you complete your errand and move on to the next item on an impossibly long list of chores, this embarrassing scene arises. You can feel the eyes of other customers bearing down on you, judging you and your impotent parenting. With things to do and resentful glares upon you, you grab the candy bar with an indignant huff from your child’s hand and present it to the cashier. “And this too,” you utter in defeat. Your child’s wailing ceases and you are back on schedule–all for a paltry sum of a buck fifty. In this episode, both you …