All posts filed under: Self Care

You are your habits

You Are What You Do Every Day

Introduction My fortieth birthday was a tough one for me.  Behind me was half my life.  I found myself carrying a lot of heavy baggage.  Worse still was what I had left behind me: a trail of missed opportunities and dead dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of who I’ve become.  But who among us is immune to existential crises and regrets?  Not me, and probably not you either. For me, turning 40 was a landmark event–bigger than any birthday I’d had prior. My perspective tipped–seemingly overnight–from “the future holds such promise” to “I’ve already decided what my life is and what it’s likely to be.”  Amidst this existential crisis I held the limp corpses of my abandoned dreams and demanded answers about how this came to be.  How did I allow this to happen? Baseball When my dad introduced me to baseball at the age of four, I couldn’t get enough.  I’d watch every televised game the Oakland A’s played, which fortunately was almost daily.  My dad taught me how to play catch.  …

how_to_be_happy_when_the_world_is_suffering

How can I be happy when others are suffering?

We live in an interconnected world–a world where the 24-hour news cycle and social media confronts us with the most extreme ends of human experience.  One hour, we might be watching the Kardashians vacation or unwind in their multimillion-dollar mansion.  The next hour (or perhaps even the same hour!) we could be scrolling through instagram seeing haunting images of oppression, invasion, illness, destruction, and other powerful stories of the most profound levels of human suffering. Whether we find ourselves more engaged with those we envy or those we pity, our voyeurism is sure to leave us in a darker place than where we started. It’s true that we would be better off if we simply disengaged.  Stop doomscrolling. Stop engaging with trolls.  Stop watching the news.  Stop immersing yourself in the lives of the rich, beautiful, and overindulged.  But that advice might be skirting a very rational question: how can we be happy when others are suffering through no fault of their own? The first question: do you really want to not suffer? If you’re …

passive-aggressive behavior definition

What is the Definition of Passive-Aggressive? 13 Experts Weigh In

Introduction Recently, I sought out a definition for passive-aggression–a term I felt I understood implicitly, but found difficult to define in precise terms.  I came across one cheeky definition that I found compelling in a book by Ashta-Deb; the author defined passive aggression in the following way: “Passive-Aggression – the act of being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.” I still like this definition very much.  I find it especially validating when I’m on the receiving end of what I believe to be particularly nasty forms of passive-aggression. Though I like Ashta-Deb’s snappy definition, it still left me with unanswered questions.  For example, Is passive-aggression conscious or unconscious? Is it always “spiteful”? Is the “mental pain” it inflicts the same type of pain? I further realized in searching for a definition for passive-aggressive behavior, that even though the term can be found in the psychoanalytic literature, its use transcends any particular theoretical orientation and/or school of thought.  Over the years, the term appears to have been appropriated by the masses, which I …