All posts filed under: Mental Hygiene

You are your habits

You Are What You Do Every Day

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction My fortieth birthday was a tough one for me.  Behind me was half my life.  I found myself carrying a lot of heavy baggage.  Worse still was what I had left behind me: a trail of missed opportunities and dead dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of who I’ve become.  But who among us is immune to existential crises and regrets?  Not me, and probably not you either. For me, turning 40 was a landmark event–bigger than any birthday I’d had prior. My perspective tipped–seemingly overnight–from “the future holds such promise” to “I’ve already decided what my life is and what it’s likely to be.”  Amidst this existential crisis I held the limp corpses of my abandoned dreams and demanded answers about how this came to be.  How did I allow this to happen? Baseball When my dad introduced me to baseball at the age of four, I couldn’t get enough.  I’d watch every televised game the Oakland A’s played, which fortunately was almost daily.  My dad taught me how to play catch.  …

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3 Paradoxes of Strong Mental Health

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction I love a good paradox. In clinical practice, a session seldom goes by where I do not seize the opportunity to share a relevant one with a patient. Perhaps it’s their inherent rhetorical force in paradox. Maybe the power of paradox comes from their historical and cultural tradition. Eastern philosophy is full of paradoxes. You can find paradox in the Tao Te Ching. Paradoxes are abundant in Zen koans–riddle-like stories that provoke enlightening insights. Paradox flows through the study martial arts. Derivative guru characters in pop culture, like Yoda, often speak in paradox. The more ancient the tradition, it seems, the more riddled the culture is with paradoxical sayings (this is not a verified claim, but would be an interesting study!). Whatever the reason, I’m sold on using paradoxes as a tried-and-true delivery mechanism life-changing wisdom. What is a paradox? “A statement that is seemingly contradictory or opposed to common sense and yet is perhaps true.” Merriam-Webster The two aspects of paradox I’ll highlight are the following: First, paradoxes are counterintuitive at best, nonsensical …

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Empathy & Compassion

Struggling with Compassion? Apply these 4 tips on how to find your empathy again

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Compassion comes to people naturally.  Even in the nursery, infants experience empathic distress–when one baby cries, ALL babies start to cry.  Problems experiencing and expressing compassion tend to arise the more involved we get in the complexities of social give and take.  Compassion becomes especially tricky in a couple of different scenarios: First, I might have trouble feeling compassion for others if I feel like I am sacrificing more than you are.  Or, perhaps I feel like you’re getting more back than I am if we sacrifice the same amount.  Worse still, I might see that you sacrifice less than me and get more back.   Politicians, financiers, billionaires are all easy targets for antagonism because many people agree they don’t deserve our compassion.  Why? Because we believe they often make more than us, pay less taxes, and/or work less. The second reason compassion can be tricky is if I don’t see you as belonging to the same group.  Nationalist and racial examples abound here.  A less emotionally charged example would be the world of professional …

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how_to_be_happy_when_the_world_is_suffering

How can I be happy when others are suffering?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

We live in an interconnected world–a world where the 24-hour news cycle and social media confronts us with the most extreme ends of human experience.  One hour, we might be watching the Kardashians vacation or unwind in their multimillion-dollar mansion.  The next hour (or perhaps even the same hour!) we could be scrolling through instagram seeing haunting images of oppression, invasion, illness, destruction, and other powerful stories of the most profound levels of human suffering. Whether we find ourselves more engaged with those we envy or those we pity, our voyeurism is sure to leave us in a darker place than where we started. It’s true that we would be better off if we simply disengaged.  Stop doomscrolling. Stop engaging with trolls.  Stop watching the news.  Stop immersing yourself in the lives of the rich, beautiful, and overindulged.  But that advice might be skirting a very rational question: how can we be happy when others are suffering through no fault of their own? The first question: do you really want to not suffer? If you’re …

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Covid-19: Building Coronavirus Resilience

5 Ways To Build Pandemic Resilience

Published by Mahevash Shaikh

According to a UN report, we are collectively living in the hardest time since World War II. Indeed, the coronavirus pandemic is responsible for an ongoing economic and health crisis. In challenging times like these, building resilience is crucial to surviving and thriving. What Is Resilience?  Psychology Today defines resilience as “the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before.” In simple words, resilience is a quality that enables an individual to bounce back from challenges like death, unemployment, and trauma.  What is resilience theory? Resilience theory is a psychological framework used to understand what makes a person resilient or strong enough to withstand hardship in their life. Psychologist Catherine Moore thinks “it’s not the nature of adversity that is most important, but how we deal with it.” How Is Pandemic Resilience Helpful? While some people are naturally more resilient than others, anyone can build resilience. Having the ability to bounce back is essential to get through all kinds …

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What is forgiveness

What is forgiveness and why is it important? Part 1

Published by Bex April May

Forgiveness: it’s something we talk about a lot, but is much easier said than done.  While our emotions around forgiving and the wrongs leading up to it can be some of the most traumatic in life, forgiveness can also be one of the single most important ways to process and grow from our experiences. It’s also completely in your control – and can allow you to take total ownership of a situation, no matter how hurt you have been by it.  In this exclusive series, we’ll investigate different facets of forgiveness through the eyes of qualified psychologists, psychiatrists, relationship experts, marriage counselors, couples therapists, and spirituality experts to help you better understand forgiveness, and how to effectively apply it to your own circumstances. What is true forgiveness? So, let’s start at the beginning: how do you define ‘forgiveness’? As award-winning licensed clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Dr Michael Kinsey, Ph.D., explains, there are several layers to defining the term as we understand it in psychology. “The etymology of forgiveness is quite interesting,” Dr Kinsey says, “First, …

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Perception of online dating

Have an Unhealthy Relationship with Online Dating?

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

What is a series about online dating doing on a psychology blog? The quality of a person’s relationships is synonymous with mental health.  And, if you’re single you’re in a relationship with dating.   You may be dating a lot, a little, or avoiding it entirely.  No matter which best describes you, you’re in a relationship with dating–and most likely online dating is a major part of this relationship. As a practicing clinical psychologist in New York City, adventures in online dating are a part of the conversation with literally every single one of the unattached patients I treat.   Some people do have success with online dating.  However, one thing I have never heard a patient say is: “I love online dating.  It’s so much fun.” I don’t claim my sample is representative, but my patients’ view is consistent with commentary I’ve received from friends and colleagues. The refrains are consistent.   “It’s annoying.”  “Lots of shady people.”  “It’s a major time suck.”   “People look nothing like their pictures.”  “She ghosted me.” And so on… With all …

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passive-aggressive behavior definition

What is the Definition of Passive-Aggressive? 13 Experts Weigh In

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Introduction Recently, I sought out a definition for passive-aggression–a term I felt I understood implicitly, but found difficult to define in precise terms.  I came across one cheeky definition that I found compelling in a book by Ashta-Deb; the author defined passive aggression in the following way: “Passive-Aggression – the act of being covertly spiteful with the intent of inflicting mental pain.” I still like this definition very much.  I find it especially validating when I’m on the receiving end of what I believe to be particularly nasty forms of passive-aggression. Though I like Ashta-Deb’s snappy definition, it still left me with unanswered questions.  For example, Is passive-aggression conscious or unconscious? Is it always “spiteful”? Is the “mental pain” it inflicts the same type of pain? I further realized in searching for a definition for passive-aggressive behavior, that even though the term can be found in the psychoanalytic literature, its use transcends any particular theoretical orientation and/or school of thought.  Over the years, the term appears to have been appropriated by the masses, which I …

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Sleep Tips 2020 | Therapy NYC | Find a Therapist

Sleep Tips for 2020

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

This is a comprehensive guide to better sleep. In this article you’ll learn six actionable sleep tips: The psychology of insomnia. Ideal conditions for sleep. How to stop nightmares. 7 actionable steps to sleep better. 8 sleep hygiene tools that get results. How to use “brain tapping” to fall asleep. Let’s get started. Psychology of Insomnia It’s useful to remember that, in one way or another, we all seek relaxation through sensations that bring us back to a state of complete, passive, dependency – the most profound of these experiences being the period in which we were nestled safely inside our mother’s womb. Sounds, beats, enclosed spaces can all take us back to this state, where letting go, relaxing, and falling asleep posed no challenge. Since sleep is one of the most natural things we do, insomnia is typically an issue with experience overriding this natural proclivity due to perceived risk to survival. This episode of Radiolab on sleep makes a compelling case that predation threat is one such environmental factor that could make falling asleep difficult. Difficulties falling …

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Get more out of mindfulness

Mindfulness “What Skills”: How To Get More Out of Being Mindful

Published by Michael Kinsey, Ph.D.

Imagine the following.  You’re sitting at home alone, amid a rare chunk of free time.  You stop scrolling through Netflix aimlessly and decide to do something “productive.” A million ideas come to mind of things you could do.  Run an errand? Pay a bill? Call your mother? Nothing feels like the right thing to do with this precious gift from the gods of modern living.   Suddenly, it clicks.  Mindfulness! All these monks, therapists, and TED talkers seem to think it’s the cat’s pajamas.  Let’s give it a whirl. You review a trusted protocol on how to be mindful.  You know, the one that starts with “Find a comfortable position with your back straight…” You focus on your breath.  You watch your thoughts. You notice yourself drifting off.   *Dinggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*  The meditation timer rings and you don’t feel at all transformed.  You want to get it, but you just can’t see what the fuss is about. All those enlightened gurus can’t be wrong though? You think, “What’s wrong with me?” If this story sounds familiar, then this …

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